My girlfriend is 19, and she self harms. She’s been prescribed ‘Xanax and Paxil’ over the last few months, to help her with anxiety, panic attacks and depression etc. But she still self harms herself. She says that it makes her feel better, I just don’t understand why she’d do this?
Can anyone please help me?
If you could, give better detailed answers, could you email me at ‘spencer.019@hotmail.com’ please, and thanks.
You need to work together to find another outlet for her emotions. This could be an emotions diary, a new hobby, strenuous exercise… It’s trial and error. She needs to replace the self-harm with more healthy ways of letting her bad emotions out, and while this is not easy, it’s the only way. Keep trying different things. She may regress but stick at it.
You have to support her through this. It may be hard for you to sit back and watch but from experience, most people who self harm need support from loved ones. try getting her to write down her feelings in a notebook, she may find tearing it up afterwards helps also. ice is also another thing that can be useful, if she puts ice cubes on the area she usually cuts until the ice melts, it helps some people until the feeling of wanting to self harm subsides.
Keep supporting her, things will work out alright eventually. it just needs time and patience and loads of love and support. good luck!
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Dear One, You are a good friend. Call: 1-800/dontcut They can help you and your girlfriend. Please call now.
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Habits, can be difficult to break; it’s often easier replacing them with less harmful habits, at least at first. Self harm produces opiate like endORPHINs, which, like true opiates such as heroin (diacetyl mORPHINe), make you feel better, but are just as addictive, and you develop tolerance to them, needing to cut more, and deeper, later on, just to get the same effect. Practice a relaxation method, daily, and when needed, such as: (free) http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.html or http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody/a/Meditation.htm Tai Chi, Qi Gong, or yoga suits others better. Give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via the searchbar at http://www.mercola.com "EFT" & "EFT therapists", or via http://www.tapping.com (13 free videos). Professional is best. There is a version for use in public places, (if you want to, you can claim to have a headache, as you massage/lightly tap your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I self harm from emotional distress, I deeply and completely accept myself." Later on, most self harmers realise that it is no real solution to their problems; they have to find another way, and then they are faced with a mass of unsightly scar tissue, which they find difficult to explain, and which can adversely affect their social lives, and careers. Dispose of your cutting implements. Use one of the alternatives shown, such as snapping a rubber band against your wrist, or holding an ice cube. Seek therapy, to help you address the actual cause of those problems, rather than using an inappropriate method of treating the symptoms, which others have found, doesn’t work, in the longer term, and that leaves behind the extra problem of scarring to deal with, then.
Consider taking up amateur abstract, impressionist, or surrealist art, clay modelling, designing and/or making fashion, or jewellery. Journalling those thoughts, and feelings, poetry, or story writing are some more options.No-one ever has to see them, but you may well surprise yourself at how good you become, with experience. Even if not, and you are totally dissatisfied with every single effort, it will still have served its purpose. Use that emotional energy, and allow it expression, through an activity other than self harm. Keep occupied; multitask, like listening to music while surfing the ‘net. Join a support group, such as http://dailystrength.org and go there when you feel the urge to self harm. Books: Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, & Distress Tolerance (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) by Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood, and Jeffrey Brantley, & Self-Harm: A Psychotherapeutic Approach by Fiona Gardner, & Alive and Cutting: A teenager’s journey in therapy to understanding her self-harm by Richard Bryant-Jefferies, from your bookstore, or enter "self harm" at Amazon.com for more media. It is a good idea to have an accountability partner; someone you trust and is available anytime, so when you feel like you want to self harm, you call them and talk about why.
Advice from an experienced psychotherapists is here: http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApJxmFKJU10eaPMH4ZfeYX7g5gt.;_ylv=3?qid=20070801184649AA9iH1b&show=7#profile-info-iUKGAgRjaa Read: Scars That Wound, Scars That Heal: A Journey Out of Self Injury (Live Free) & Stopping the Pain: A Workbook for Teens Who Cut & Self-Injure by Lawrence E. Shapiro & Understanding Self-Injury: A Workbook for Adults by Robin Connors and Kristy Trautmann, from your bookstore, or Amazon.com. Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind. 85% of people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either seek professional hypnotherapy, or more alternatives along such lines are at http://your-mental-health.8m.com/blank_25.html with alternatives, self harm hotlines, chat sites & forums on page A. If harming out of depression, (a quiz is at http://psychcentral.com/depquiz.htm ) see pages 3, and B.
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You need to work together to find another outlet for her emotions. This could be an emotions diary, a new hobby, strenuous exercise… It’s trial and error. She needs to replace the self-harm with more healthy ways of letting her bad emotions out, and while this is not easy, it’s the only way. Keep trying different things. She may regress but stick at it.
References :
Personally overcome 5 years of self-harm addiction
a universal law says
he, who cannot love himself, cannot love others
she is bent upon harming herself (due to psychic illness)
and
you say she is your friend (you hope she will not harm you)
but
friendship is possible between persons having common nature
neverthless
the above anti anxiety(xanax) and anti depression(paxil) medicines do not seem to be working well for her (as she has not abandoned self harming habits)
repeated consultation with doctor is necessary, as he may change medicines from time to time
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