My boyfriend is the nicest guy in the world. We just always argue because he gets upset all the time because he’s not doing too well in school. Once he gets upset, I get upset and we just argue. He always calls himself a loser and stupid. How can he get more self confidence?
There is no simple answer to this. Your boyfriend’s lack of self-confidence may be deeply rooted in his childhood experiences, and possibly how his parents raised him.
Today many teenagers lack self-confidence because they are the products of what the culture calls over-protective "helicopter parents". Did his parents "fix" everything for him as he grew up? Did they allow him to fail, and then work through the consequences of life’s disappointments? If parents would just let their kids work through their own failures, they would gain the self-confidence to solve the common challenges that all people face in life.
Or, it’s possible your boyfriend might enjoy the attention he gets from others, and you, when he runs himself down.
If he really has self-confidence issues, my advice would be to talk to him about how he views life and the choices he makes when he frames his daily experiences in his own mind. Does he look for the "positives" or the blessings in his life experiences, or does he tend to see the negatives and then dwell on them? Getting him to see the wisdom in focusing on the positive strengths he has and seeing the deficiencies as challenges could be a life-changing paradigm shift for him.
It all comes down to this, in simplistic terms: Are you going to wallow in your shortcomings, or see them as challenges and DO SOMETHING about them? Encourge him to face life challenges in a positive way, and man-up by stopping the "I’m such a failure" nonsense.
Hope this helps…
I understand your lack of patience, but try not to get upset. When you argue with him, you leave him with the message that he IS a loser. I’ll bet he later thinks to himself, "See, I can’t even get this relationship right". Just be patient and point out his successes. Even small ones.
Of course, if he doesn’t change soon, you may become fed up. If you do, that’s understandable as well. Low self-esteem is as much of a turn-off as stank breath, messed up teeth, dirty clothes, being controlling and jealous, etc. This may cause you to want out of the relationship.
References :
There is no simple answer to this. Your boyfriend’s lack of self-confidence may be deeply rooted in his childhood experiences, and possibly how his parents raised him.
Today many teenagers lack self-confidence because they are the products of what the culture calls over-protective "helicopter parents". Did his parents "fix" everything for him as he grew up? Did they allow him to fail, and then work through the consequences of life’s disappointments? If parents would just let their kids work through their own failures, they would gain the self-confidence to solve the common challenges that all people face in life.
Or, it’s possible your boyfriend might enjoy the attention he gets from others, and you, when he runs himself down.
If he really has self-confidence issues, my advice would be to talk to him about how he views life and the choices he makes when he frames his daily experiences in his own mind. Does he look for the "positives" or the blessings in his life experiences, or does he tend to see the negatives and then dwell on them? Getting him to see the wisdom in focusing on the positive strengths he has and seeing the deficiencies as challenges could be a life-changing paradigm shift for him.
It all comes down to this, in simplistic terms: Are you going to wallow in your shortcomings, or see them as challenges and DO SOMETHING about them? Encourge him to face life challenges in a positive way, and man-up by stopping the "I’m such a failure" nonsense.
Hope this helps…
References :