I seem to have a serious problem that wont seem to go away no matter how hard i try.
I’m 14, and I guess you could call me "popular" at my school. I have a lot of friends, but they dont see the same person that I see when I look in the mirror.
You see, I have problems with guys. Not just average problems, but my heart is literally shredded and i find myself more and more depressed as I try to move on. First of all, I’ve never been treated properly by a male. My father is emotionally and verbally abusive towards me. To him, I’m worthless, and a bitch. And he doesnt let me forget it. On top of that, I was in my first serious relationship, which lasted a year on and off. I really truly do think I was in love, until he completely crushed my world and dumped me for his ex girlfriend, who I have always had a problem with.
Then, to attempt to get over him, I met a new guy. I guess you could say we had a summer fling May-August. That was until I found out he was ALSO having a summer "fling" with one of my good friends.
Then, of course I went running back to my first serious boyfriend. Our relationship grew so strong, and I loved every minute of it. Until he confessed to having feelings for two other girls, whom he had been seeing a month prior. Thus, leading to him crushing and dumping me. AGAIN.
Another guy came along, and he told me he had really liked me. We got really close, and made out a few times, but nothing too serious. I still had great feelings for him. That was, until I found out he had a girlfriend THE WHOLE TIME.
So, I try to get over this boy, which is no problem, since my ex STILL wants me back, again. Stupid me, I let him back into my life. We did some things together that were very special to me… but to him, it was just another ho in his collection. He then got in my pants, and left me. FOR THE THIRD TIME.
Then, my friend introduces me to one of his best friends, in a hope to get over this boy ONCE AND FOR ALL. He treats me nicer and compliments me more than any guy ever had in my whole life. We’ve been talking for the past few days, and he confessed that he was falling for me. I was really starting to get back on my feet again, back to happiness. Then just an hour ago, I looked at his MySpace. He was having a conversation with another girl, calling her baby and boo, and telling her how much he loved her. This made me sick. Im crying as I type this. My heart cant take anything else. But I STILL can’t stand the fact of being alone, it terrifies me.
I think I have a problem, I think very poorly of myself, and guys seem to walk all over me. I used to be a straight A student, but as of now I have a 3.0 GPA. Why is this all happening to me, do i really deserve this? Am I really that worthless, and I can just be tossed around? What do I do?
PLEASE HELP ME, I am begging you.
D:
Okay–first off–you do NOT deserve to be treated like this. Of course you are not worthless!
A girl’s first relationship with a male–is her relationship with her dad. If your dad is abusive, which he is, you somehow come to accept the same treatment by other males. You may not ‘see’ it, or realize it, but being abused became the ‘normal’ to you growing up, so you are almost drawn to these type of emotionally abusive guys.
You definitely need to work on self-esteem issues and not be so needy of a guy to make you feel good or ‘whole’. After a break up the last thing you want to do is throw yourself into another relationship, while you are vulnerable and trying to feel emotionally stronger again. I know it is difficult, especially when you are hurting and sad.
Any guy who has been cheating on you is a liar and doesn’t deserve you. Do not take them back.
You deserve the best
addendum; I just read your other question about being ‘paranoid about your relationship"–and his breaking up with you ‘for no reason’ and being afraid he’ll break up with you again. You wrote that he is your ‘everything’. That’s the first thing you have to really reconsider and change the way you think about a boyfriend. He cannot be your ‘everything’–because when he breaks up with you–you are completely devastated! A boyfriend can and should be an important part of your life–but not your ‘everything’.
keep your friends and family close and supportive–they will always be there, whereas a boyfriend probably will not.

First of all, those guys are all pricks,& I truly believe you just have bad taste in men. You don’t have to look for a serious relationship right away. You’re 14, so love every single moment of independence. Love always happens in the most unexpected ways. I too came from an abusive home, and it took me awhile to realize that my choices in men(often bad as well) reflected upon my self-esteem and because I needed a "daddy-replacement," per say. Now I am happy with my boyfriend of 9 months. He’s not perfect, but he is very good to me and it took a long time of knowing each other till we realized we make each other a better person. That is what I feel love and good relationships are all about. Look for someone who makes you feel comfortable in your own skin and helps you grow. And lastly, you are NOT a piece of sh** or anything of the sort. Anyone who calls you that is just saying what they think of themselves.
Stay Strong.
References :
1. http://www.whitedovebooks.co.uk/inspiration-girl-power/2009/12/learning-to-accept-yourself.html
2. http://www.solveyourproblem.com/self-confidence/self-confidence-10-steps.shtml
3. http://www.ivillage.co.uk/relationships/couple/right/articles/0,,154_590312,00.html
References :
Of course you aren’t worthless D:
Honestly, Ive had the same problems. My Dad was physically abusive and verbally, and Ive had some of the worse relationships you can imagine.
As for your Dad, prove him wrong! Do something great with your life, and never give up. Don’t believe things he says, because you’re worth a lot more than you know. I think my Dad and ex boyfriends is where a lot of my self esteem issues came from, from actually believing their ridiculous insults.
As for the guys, I would just stop dating for awhile, give yourself a chance to just cool down from all that drama, and really get to know the guy before you date him. Build some friendship, know you can trust him, but don’t give up on trying to find someone just because some douche bag guys treated you wrong. Honestly, you sound very sweet and smart, so I’m sure you’ll find someone fantastic, but DON’T let these stupid guys run you over.
If you need to talk IM me or email me
xdementedreamx
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Personal Experience
be confident and stop thinking about boys
concentrate on studies
you ll feel that i am preaching you like an adult
but the truth is you re too young. life is long and
someday when you grow up you will find someone special
References :
Fun stuff…and of course, by fun…I mean not. My first suggestion is to temporarily avoid relationships and sex. Develop non-serious relationships with guys who can just hang out with alongside some of your other friends. This will give your deep wounds a little healing, this isn’t fast or a cure all, but it will help.
You are certainly not worthless or nothing but an object, you are valuable as a human being.(Whether you believe you are here by accident or by Divine Choice) Either way, you can be awesome by helping everyone and making life a better place to live. It is through hard times and sadness that we learn to empathize and comfort others.
"You have got to be pessimistic enough to realize the world sucks…but optimistic enough to realize you can help change it." Paraphrase of Chesterton.
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wow that’s alot to deal with =/ number one i think you need to pick different guys and stop being so open, you’re 14 you have all the time in the world to find guys! so why do THEY have YOU running in circles back to this one then that one? SKREW ALL OF THEM!!! they all hurt you so move on. Make yourself unavailable and you don’t sound very independent sorry to say, why ddon’tyou hang out with friends insted of BOYS BOYS BOYS. Oh and btw my dad f*cked off when i was younger tthat’sno excuse darlin! this is coming from a teenager v_v
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life!
Okay–first off–you do NOT deserve to be treated like this. Of course you are not worthless!
A girl’s first relationship with a male–is her relationship with her dad. If your dad is abusive, which he is, you somehow come to accept the same treatment by other males. You may not ‘see’ it, or realize it, but being abused became the ‘normal’ to you growing up, so you are almost drawn to these type of emotionally abusive guys.
You definitely need to work on self-esteem issues and not be so needy of a guy to make you feel good or ‘whole’. After a break up the last thing you want to do is throw yourself into another relationship, while you are vulnerable and trying to feel emotionally stronger again. I know it is difficult, especially when you are hurting and sad.
Any guy who has been cheating on you is a liar and doesn’t deserve you. Do not take them back.
You deserve the best
addendum; I just read your other question about being ‘paranoid about your relationship"–and his breaking up with you ‘for no reason’ and being afraid he’ll break up with you again. You wrote that he is your ‘everything’. That’s the first thing you have to really reconsider and change the way you think about a boyfriend. He cannot be your ‘everything’–because when he breaks up with you–you are completely devastated! A boyfriend can and should be an important part of your life–but not your ‘everything’.
keep your friends and family close and supportive–they will always be there, whereas a boyfriend probably will not.
References :
23 yrs psychiatric hospital healthcare by profession
I am really very sorry to hear all this. its really sad. but i think u r just rushing through ur life. why do u keep thinking that only a boyfriend can give u real happiness. u need to give urself some space so that real "You" inside u can breathe easy.
I think u r too young to be in these kinda complicated things. just enjoy ur life n concentrate in ur studies. dnt think abt love. u r too young to understand what real love is. try to make good friends instead. u will surely understand true love as u grow older n then it wont be difficult for u to find the right guy. as if now dnt rush through things just gv urself some time. enjoy ur life. its beautiful n worth living. dnt think too much. tk care…….Zeus
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PS: i will be ur friend:)
(only a gud friend)
I think you’re very young. You’re 14, which, when you get older, you will agree is very young.
Too young to be having to cope with these things.
As you are a victim of domestic violence you need to sort out your self esteem first – what you are doing is allowing someone else to make you feel better about yourself, and when they move on or hurt you it becomes intense because you’ve linked your happiness to them and need them to validate yourself.
A good starting point is to work out what your values are – eg loyalty, friendship, honesty, and then protect them. Develop yourself. If someone does or says something you don’t like, don’t let it get to you. Harder said than done, but with practice becomes easier.
as for self confidence….
many people feel the same, the image they project hides nerves, self doubt….I know a guy at work who tells me he’s scared of talking at conferences, but he does it so well because he acts confident.
That’s the trick.
They are linked, but self esteem will allow you to become confident, or to act confidently.
You will be fine, but you need to look after yourself – your mind, body, heart, soul.
Do not trust those things to someone else while you do not look after them.
When you do live by your values and self respect, you will find someone who you can then be with…
And, as for being alone – it is worse to be with someone who hurts you than being alone.
Change the way you think about that.
Try and get out of your comfort zone to do something by yourself and just spend time getting to love your Self.
Get whatever support yuo can but don’t give others the power over yourself that you are.
And tell your teacher that your dad’s abusing you at home and tell what he does, what he says.
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