When I met hubby he was delivering pizzas, and then a white van delivery driver as he did not achieve enough grades and did not have the money to go to university. He used to say he was a “street-guy” and was not made to be an academic person – but after some brainwashing from my side he got the motivation to apply for Uni and he finished it with a 2:1. He truly enjoyed studying. And we are both proud of himself.Then he started a MA but had also applied for some trainee programs with some well known companies. The competition was very hight but he got the job.The Management trainee would pay lots so he quit the overcomplicated MA which he was not completely sure he was enjoying. The trainee program proved to be very physical, long hours, work weekends, slave work conditions, and anyone without a Bachelors could perform the job, in his opinion. Everyday he gets home and complain on how tired he is and much he wants to leave this job.Problem is: I have been hearing this for over 1 year and he only applied for 6 jobs during all this time. We do not have kids and are quite free to take any risk we wish. He said the reason he does not apply for jobs is because he has no self confidence that he will be able to do them. He is not sure about his capability of working in an office, he has never done it and his first language is not English. He claims to not understand about companies and business (some call it corporate gibberish) – therefore he does not even apply. Recently he was keen to start his own business, a removal company or talked about being a taxi driver. In my opinion this shows how little confidence he has in his intellectual abilities.
more background: I am myself a foreigner in the UK and got my first job in a blue chip company struggling badly to understand what was going on , there was the language barrier and the fact that I did not know anything about companies myself . . . but I survived and developed day by day and today I can write SOP’s and train other people…. I so think my hubby can do the same and better..and I do tell him that ! I chose to love him for the street-guy he said he was and I will still love if he decides to be it…but… I do believe he can do something more intelectually challenging …
It is not as easy as motivating him to go to uni. This time is different. We are not that willing to be in the rat race, we are frugal, not materialistic. We are not even sure if being in a 9-to-5 job is a good thing. But I still hear his complaints every single day … and wish I could help his pain to go away . ..
how can I help him believe in himself ?
Accept him as he is.
Your ‘motivating’ could be counter-productive
Practice makes one perfect. You need to explain to him that there are so many guys failed many times to be what there are today. Most of the millionaires or billionaires started small and has failed many times. They learned by mistakes to go forward! Therefore, please don’t give up?
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Behind every great man is a great woman. Why? The silly buggers need motivation and self esteem boosting!
Such is my husband. But we are not talking about him today.
I guess my best advice is to step into anything new. New places and people offer new experiences and therefore induce new interests and opportunities.
Ask him what he might like to do? Talk about how you will get to that goal. If he has no problem studying, get that piece of paper that he needs, then start ANYWHERE that might possibly relate to his goal. Even if it is starting in the bottom position of that company.
Do other things that will get you to your goal. If he is not confident about his office skills…then get some! Study some quick computer and admin courses. Look for work experiece that will put to use these skills. You could volunteer in a charity office?
Btw, companies love when you do volunteer work. Imagine being the boss of a company and a guy you are interviewing says "I really want to work for you and this is what I have done to get here"
They will be impressed that you have gone to so much trouble just for them.
Some inspirational books:
A New Earth – Eckhart Tolle
The Secret – Rhonda Byrne
Also look for some goal setting books.
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start faking orgasms
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Get some self help-confidence books. Look at or talk to people who have been in similar situations. Listen to some motivational music. If he’s took giant leaps I don’t know why he’s afraid to take a few more steps. Try telling him that every time he complains. It might inspire him or even unwillingly push him in the right direction.
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Accept him as he is.
Your ‘motivating’ could be counter-productive
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